My Confession of Vanity

I am going to turn 35 in just a little over 3 1/2 months. I always imagined that this would be a difficult birthday, and I have to admit that I wonder where the time has gone. It seems like just yesterday I was approaching 30. And actually, it was my 29th birthday that was so hard to take, because that meant I was going to be 30 soon. By the time I did turn 30, I was kinda over it.

I feel comfortable in my own skin here in my 30's. And the big 3-5 isn't really affecting me all that much..... if only there didn't seem to be the ever increasing number of white wirey hairs sprouting out of my brunette head!

Each day I look in the mirror, grumble, and I admit it.... pluck out half a dozen to a dozen pure white hairs (leaving many more behind). Of course I know it does me no good.... they keep coming back. And I keep thinking about coloring my hair. But I know once I start, it is a long term commitment I am just not prepared to make.... yet.

So I started to think about this increased vanity that is creeping into my life... and my mirror. Why is it so important to me to NOT have gray hair? Is it our society's youth obsession rearing it's ugly head in my mirror each day? Or a continuing reminder that I am not in my 20's anymore? To be honest, I am happy about not being in my 20's anymore... but it does seem like the older I get, the more quickly time passes.

All my kids are now school age. My oldest will get her driver's permit in just a couple of months. This three year tour (already a third of the first year gone) will fly by... and then Nikki will almost be ready to graduate and start her adventure into the world of adulthood. I am sure that the four and seven years for the other two will quickly follow.

I feel like I'm right at the beginning of a new stage in life. I am not old yet.... but I am not that young either. Maybe becoming a mother so early has helped me grow up quicker, but in some ways I still feel way to young to be thinking about coloring my hair and taking children for driver's permits..... and plucking out gray hairs everyday.

And I find myself watching the older women at church.... the beautiful ladies in their 60's and 70's with their gray and silver hair. I guess in a way I admire them for being simply who they are, gray and all, not trying to hide their faded youth behind boxes of hair dye. I would like to be like them someday.... I am just having trouble translating that into my life right now. I keep telling myself that everyone grows older and their hair turns white.... that is how God designed me, so why should I have a problem with that? Then I reach for my tweezers.