Parental Freak-out

Ok, so I had my first real "my baby is growing up" freak out last night. My baby, my firstborn is about to be 15. She's getting ready to get her driver's permit (scary in itself, but I won't be the one teaching her to drive).... and to me it seems like I can see the end of her childhood staring me in the face closer than I want to realize.

In three years she will be an adult (at least according to the law). She looks at me like I'm crazy cause to her three years is still a lifetime away. But I'm not so young anymore, and to me three years flies by before I know it. I enjoy seeing her change and grow, but I can't help but think I am much too young to be facing the reality of letting go of my baby. But she's not a little girl anymore.

Maybe it's hitting me a little hard because I am about to be 35. By no means do I see myself as old, but I am at the point in my life where I am facing the reality that I am not that young anymore either.

It is also hitting me that my husband only has 5 years left in the military. When I was still oh, so young, and time passed a bit more slowly... retirement was a lifetime away. I have always liked the security I feel knowing Paul won't lose his job, and we always have health insurance. I know twice a month, like clockwork, his pay will be there no matter what. And there was always so much time left before facing the "real world".... but now that real world is calling out to me.

I see the end of his career looming closer and I admit it scares me a bit. I know he will have good job prospects when he gets out of the service, but we will be facing the unknown. Of course I recognize that God will have something great for him (and probably even way better because there will be no more deployments... yippie!). But still it is hard not to cling to the known... the comfortable.

I have to remind myself that the Bible tells us not to worry. Don't worry about tomorrow, for today has enough worries of it's own. Don't worry about the future, because God has a plan for a hope and a future, a plan to prosper not harm.

I think about our economy and the spiritual state of this country. It can be saddening and overwhelming at times. But I know God is in charge. He is in control. A friend recently told me that she believes that our country will have to fall apart before Jesus can return. You know, that kind of made sense a bit. She said that America is like that codependent rescuer... out to save everyone else around the world, and how is the world going to be willing to follow a one world rule (the antichrist mentioned on Revelations) unless we as a country fall apart and can no longer be the ones to keep everything and everyone "together"?

I wonder about what kind of world will be here for my children to raise their children in. We live in the Land of the Free, however, conservative Christian faith is being subtly attacked and our rights are being chipped away little by little.

All these thoughts and feelings cascade my mind.... but I know the answer is simple. I need to keep my eyes on Jesus. I need to serve him with my life, and focus on working for His kingdom rather than focusing on all these "what if's" of the world.

Lord, thank you that you bring peace and comfort even during uncertain or scary times. Help me stay focused on you, Lord, knowing that I cannot really do anything about my circumstances other than to surrender to you. I love you. Amen.