My Son, The New Neighborhood Bully...

We had homeschool PE today in the neighborhood. All the kids walked, rode, skate boarded, roller bladed... whatever activity they wanted... around our large block. They got a sticker for each pass they made. It was fun to watch them, and once the other families started heading home, we made our way home as well. Justin, however, stayed out to play with his friends.

About an hour later we get a knock on the door. One of the homeschool dad's came over to inform us of a scuffle our son had been in. Apparently, he hit another neighborhood kid. So as Paul went off to claim our son, I saw a very uptight looking woman marching my way with her son.

Great, a confrontation. Those of you who know me, know I do not like any kind of confrontation. But I faced this one head on. As the woman approached, I looked her straight in her face, not wanting to hide at all. She was too angry to look at me, though. She informed me that my son hit her son (who by the way was larger and older than Justin).

I told her that I was sorry that my son hit hers, that it was not acceptable, and we would definitely handle it with Justin. She went on and on about how hitting is not ok in any circumstances, and that she teaches her children it is not ok to fight.

I calmly agreed that hitting was not ok, that we did not teach our children that fighting is ok, and I politely thanked her for bringing it to our attention what our son had done.

This did not have any affect on her at all, as she stood there shaking in anger. She did not really want to hear anything from me, she just wanted to yell at me about what my kid did to her kid. Then she went on about how we were lucky she decided not to call the police, because she could, after all, because it was one person assaulting another person.

Now I am in no way condoning what my son did. The older boy was telling Justin something he knew to be untrue and then wouldn't let him do something, and Justin got so emotionally upset that he lashed out and slugged the boy. He should not have done that... he should have walked away from the situation. But he didn't.

But I have to say, this boy was not injured. He didn't have bruises or anything broken. He wasn't bleeding. It was a typical boyhood scuffle. I could not figure out why this woman was going off the handle over it. Call the police? I would like to think if she had called the police because a seven year old hit her son (and I did find out later that her son hit mine right back), that the officer would have laughed at her.

If my son came home telling me another child hit him, I am sure I would not be happy about it, but I would probably ask him what he did first. I understand that boys will be boys, and sometimes that includes hitting. I would hope that I would not be so overcome with anger and fury that I would come close to verbally attacking the other child's mother.

As the woman marched off with her son, I could hear her telling him to stay far away from my child (like he is a violent bully or something). But then she changed her mind and came back so she could yell at my son. She wanted to know why he hit her child and started yelling at him that it is never ok to hit someone else. Of course by this time Justin was in tears.

After the whole thing was over, I still couldn't figure out what had caused such a violent reaction from this woman. The tension coming from her was palpable. As I discussed it with Paul, he said, maybe she has some wounding from her past that this triggered. Huh.... that's a good point. My husband is so smart!

After all, I lost it becoming all irrational at my best friend's birthday party last year because the guys wrote all the girl's Pictionary words, and we girls didn't know what they were. How are you supposed to draw a word that you have no idea what it is? I got so upset after awhile that I left the room and refused to play. I was in tears. I was angry and afraid I was going to lash out and lose it.... and this was just a game of Pictionary. But I didn't know why I was reacting that way until a little later when some of the ladies prayed with me and I discovered that the situation had stepped on some of my woundings from the past of being unjustly made to feel stupid.

So maybe Paul is right. Maybe there was some kind of abuse in this woman's past. Maybe she was bullied, or a victim of a household with domestic abuse. I don't know. Probably never will. But I also realized that I need to do two things.....

After disciplining my son for his inappropriate behavior, I needed to tell myself that there is nothing wrong with my son. He is not a bad kid, and I am not a bad parent. This is part of my woundings.... since my son was born I have not had much outside help with him, and I was made to feel that he was a burden, or too hyper, to too active.... you name it. It took me a long time to be able to ask anyone for help because I felt like if family wouldn't even help, why would someone else. I had felt like there was something about my son (really for the simple reason that he is a boy) that was unlovable and it was somehow my fault. So whenever he does something wrong, I feel guilty about it and feel like a bad parent. So the first thing I had to remind myself was that I do have a sweet and loving son who sometimes screws up (don't we all?), and I am not a bad parent because sometimes my kids screw up.

The second thing I had to realize was that although there was nothing I could do or say to this woman to make the situation better, I could pray for her. I know nothing about her... her history, her pain, her beliefs (other than it is never, ever, ever acceptable in any situation to hit another person).... but God knows. And He knows exactly what she needs.

So Father God, I lift up this angry mother to you. I ask that you touch her today. If she does not know you, Father, I ask that you show yourself to her and open her eyes to see you. If she does know you, Lord God, I ask that you would show her how much you want to heal the wounds she may still have in her life. Please bring peace and healing into her life. Forgive me for wanting to judge her, and thank you for showing me that there might be pain behind her actions, and reminding me that everyone needs someone to pray for them. I love you. Amen.