Sometimes I don't like being the mother. I walk around my house, picking up after the people who live here, angrily mumbling to myself about "Why can't anyone clean up after themselves? Why do I have to do so much for these people who are perfectly capable of doing for themselves? Why am I never appreciated for what I do?"
As I walked around my house yesterday, once again annoyed at one of my children because they will not put their things away no matter how many times I ask, yell or order them to...they don't appreciate how hard I am trying to keep things nice, and they don't realize how much harder they are making it for me.... God whispered something in my ear.
"You are not a martyr."
Wow! That hurt a little. But it is true. I am not a victim of motherhood martyrdom.
mar⋅tyr⋅dom
[mahr-ter-duh
m] –noun
| 1. | the condition, sufferings, or death of a martyr. |
| 2. | extreme suffering; torment. |
I am not trapped in an oppressing condition. I am not truly suffering, and I am definitely not dead. I am not being tormented (although at brief moments that statement seems questionable... only kidding!).
Truth be told, I am living the life I always wanted for myself. I wanted to be a mother... to have beautiful children. God tells us that children are a BLESSING! So why then, can it be so hard to see it this way? Why is it so easy to look past the blessing and focus only on the negative aspects... the selfishness of my nature?
As I walked around my living room feeling all self important, discouraged, unappreciated.... feeling like I should receive martyr credit... I realized this is the attitude of so many women in this world. This is the attitude I grew up seeing in my own mother. She walked around in anger all the time.... nothing she did was good enough for us...(really making us feel like what we did wasn't good enough for her)... we didn't appreciate her... we didn't idolize her... we didn't love her.... we should feel lucky just to have her there to do things for us. This was the message we received in her moments of Motherhood Martyrdom. And regretfully, I realized with the Lord's help, that I was putting out that same message with my selfish attitude.
We live in a world full of selfish women. Women who have children for the wrong reasons. Women who didn't really want to be a mother but was stuck with it... women who only wanted someone (ANYONE) to love them, so they had a child.... women who had children because someone else wanted them to.... women who would rather have other people raise their children than to do it themselves. These are all situations where it seems only natural for a mother to become somewhat resentful of what they do for others without anything in return. They didn't really want the job or the work in the first place... or maybe they didn't realized how much work was really involved. Maybe they see motherhood as more of a curse than a blessing.
But me? I'm living the dream, right? I believe with my whole heart that motherhood is the ultimate calling that God can place on a woman's life. It is a life that should be valued, a life that is worthy. It is to be respected and cherished. But it is exhausting!
And sometimes in my exhaustion and frustration I go somewhere I am not entitled to go.... motherhood martyrdom. And it is in this place that I do the exact opposite of what I should. I focus on the negative. I get all wrapped up in me... putting my desires first. I let my pride run a muck. I basically announce through my actions that my family is not good enough. They are not meeting my needs. They are not appreciating me, or loving me, or idolizing me. I feel like what I do for them is so great that they should be bending over backwards to help me because they are lucky to have me. But what I am really doing is putting conditions on my love for them..... conditions that should not be there.
And who am I that I should deserve such worship? This is the great lie that Satan tells us mothers..... that we deserve to be worshiped for what we do for others, for all the sacrifices we make in the name of motherhood. I think this is one of Satan's favorite lies. After all, wasn't it his desire to be worshiped above God that got him into trouble in the first place? It is an evil trap that will work its way through each generation, especially passing from mothers to daughters.
Even though I possess a nurturing nature and a motherly desire my own mother did not have, her martyr mentality shaped my young life and carried over into my adult life. I see a calling and a value to motherhood my mother was unable to see, but that alone has not prevented this particular downfall. I have over the years on many occasions displayed my martyr badge to my daughters through my little tantrums.
But God has spoken the truth..... He has dispelled the lie.
I am not a martyr!
Lord God, even though the truth often hurts, thank you for calling me out of my selfish behavior. Thank you for readjusting my perspective to remember that my children are a blessing, not a curse. Thank you that you want to break this cycle for my daughters. Please help me to everyday work and serve my family for your glory and not for selfish recognition. Help me teach my daughters with my actions (not just my words) that motherhood is a great and awesome calling. I love you. Amen.
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