I have suffered from depression for a great deal of my life, although I wasn't diagnosed until 2003. In the years since, I have come to believe that there are three distinct aspects to depression: physical, spiritual , and emotional.
Physical- I know that there are people who have actual chemical imbalances that create depression problems. In this society, I think this is the most highly treated aspect. Many, if not most of patients diagnosed with depression are put on medication to help this imbalance. But most often, medication alone will never help because there are two other extremely important causes to look at.
Spiritual- Now I believe that there is a spiritual element to depression that is often overlooked. There are spirits of depression that can come on us and oppress us. I have battled against them, and I have (on more than one occasion) commanded them to leave. I have felt great relief at times when I was being oppressed by these demons and they have been forced to go in the name of Jesus.
Emotional- Depression has been said to be the result of anger turned inward. I am currently reading a book on depression that deals specifically with emotional healing and finding the connections between our emotions (anger, fear, anxiety, negativity, etc.) and how we react to them. In Moving Beyond Depression, Dr. Gregory Jantz says this;
"Depression is often an emotional reaction to overwhelming circumstances. We may find ourselves in a situation where we feel helpless, so we disengage emotionally. We feel angry but unable to show it. We may feel frustrated but afraid to vent it. We may feel burdened but inadequate to bear it. Since we can't seem to express what we're really feeling, we choose to feel nothing at all. The end result we seek is a cessation of the pain. But ignoring the pain does not make it go away, and minimizing the damage often leads to greater hurt."
I believe that a far greater number of people find their roots in the second two of these factors. Research has shown that medication does not really help except for those with extreme cases of depression. So for those who are only taking meds to help fix their problems, but they are ignoring the emotional and spiritual causes.... these are probably the statistics I have heard quoted (on an antidepressant commercial no less) saying that 2/3 of patients on antidepressants are still suffering from depression symptoms despite the medication.
I do not believe that my depression stems from an imbalance. I spent time on the meds, and they really did not help... they were more of a numbing agent for me. Now I am not trying to say that antidepressants don't work at all, I am just saying that in my case, the causes of my depression most likely are not medical.
As I previously mentioned, I have battled against the spiritual causes of depression. There were a few times last year that I commanded oppressing spirits to leave, and they did. Whenever you command in the name of Jesus, demonic spirits have no choice but to leave. But I am wise enough to know that every time I have an attack of depression, it is not always going to be a spiritual attack.
Just yesterday, I was having a particularly hard day... a "blah" day as they are referred to in our house. And of course Paul asked me if I had prayed about it. (I never do at first.... I always get too caught up in the blah!) So as I silently began to ask God to remove any oppressing spirits.... commanding them to leave, He immediately told me they weren't there. This episode was not brought on by spiritual oppression at all. This was an episode being spurred on by my emotional state.... or by my lack of wanting to deal with my emotional state.
God is currently asking me (again) to make some hard choices. He wants to heal me from the pain I am still carrying around inside of me, but to be honest, I have been unwilling to go there. Since I left Virginia, I have not wanted to face my pain. I have not wanted to work through it to find healing. I have been afraid of it. And now I am reaping the consequences of this decision.
I have been moody and angry. I have been easily annoyed and irritated. I have not been as kind as I should be to my loved ones who must put up with me day in and day out. I have woken up on many days feeling numb or apathetic and quite content to stay there.
But here's the problem. Just as the author stated above, ignoring the pain does not make it go away. In fact, over time it just makes everything worse. So now that I have been ignoring it, the depression that I have lived without for most of the last year has come back in mild episodes. Knowing that the meds aren't the answer... and now knowing that spiritual attacks are not the cause... that really only leaves one culprit to deal with. My Emotions.
So as I picked this book back up to read chapter two (I read chapter one in June), the chapter I came to is entitled "Emotional Equilibrium". Now that is fitting, isn't it? The part of the chapter that spoke the loudest to my ears is the one about navigating the flow of moods.
He talks about how we have a reaction to an event that we cannot control, but after that initial reaction, we can choose our attitudes. He says, "Mood is how we are feeling; attitude is how we respond to the mood." Often we choose (without even thinking about it) to react negatively, thus continuing in a bad mood. But he suggests that actively choosing a positive mood is the key to successfully changing the behavior that leads to emotional depression. He states;
"Choosing a good mood promotes optimism, hope, and joy. A good mood allows you to experience these life-affirming emotions. When you are experiencing depression, you must work at promoting the choice of a good mood. It can be hard work. A good mood won't come naturally- while other unconstructive moods will. Pessimism, negativity, sarcasm, hostility, even apathy, flow freely when you are depressed. To overcome depression, you must turn the flow of this negative tide and strive, even if it seems as though you are paddling against the current, to promote optimism, hope, and joy."
Wow! This is a hard lesson to learn. I can SOOOO relate to what he is saying about how hard it is to CHOOSE to be positive because the negative emotions are flowing. Boy, do my negative emotions flow. Ask anyone in my household and they will tell you I'm not fun when I give into this river ride.
Whenever Paul askes me if I've prayed about it, I just want to look at him and tell him I don't care. I know he doesn't understand how hard it is to look for the positive... how hard it is to turn away from the negative.... the apathy, the consuming irritation and heaviness that builds inside of me. I almost always give into the negative. And now I am learning that is my problem right now.
I have allowed the natural flow of negative emotions to be my excuse for not dealing with it. It is my cop out. It has been another lie of the enemy that whispers in my ear that I am just not strong enough so I should just give into it, and I have swallowed it without challenge. I want to think that I can't beat it so that I don't have to do the hard work. Because it is extremely hard work to push yourself past that negitivity that drags you down. It seems impossible in that moment. It seems insurmountable.... so why try?
So at the end of each chapter, the authors gives his readers a "Moving-Forward Phrase". This chapters phrase is... "Today I choose to focus on optimism, hope, and joy. "
I know this will not be an easy task. And in fact, I know I am completely incapable of doing it. So I must remember each and every time I am faced with this negativity, that I need to turn to God immediately and ask for His strength. I need to remember Philippians 4:13 that says,
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (NKJV)
Lord God, I thank you so much that Your desire is to heal me. You want to break me free from this pain and depression that is dragging me down. You want to use this in my life to bring me closer to You, that I may know that I cannot do it without You, Lord God. Give me Your strength. Please continue to open my eyes to my own distructive behavior. Give me courage to face and change the things in myself that I do not like. Make me more and more in Your image. I love You. Amen.
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