Surrender

At the end of worship Sunday, I felt the Lord whisper to me to "give up pop". Well, those of you who know me well know how much I love my Mountain Dew. So I guess that's the point... I love it too much. So God has asked me to surrender it.

I am a compliant person. Often I will know I should do something, but until someone firmly tells me to do it, I often won't. I need that authority sometimes to get my act straight and deal with something.

I knew for years I needed therapy, not just antidepressants, but I didn't do anything about it until one of the women from church (that I respected) told me I needed to seek Christian counseling. I had an appointment by the next day.

On my journey this year, my friend/mentor would often tell me I needed to do something (kind of like giving me an assignment)... and even if I already knew I needed to do it, I wouldn't march off into action until she firmly reminded me it was something I needed to do.

There have been many times that I think I have known that God has wanted me to do something (like give up my soda habit), but I don't do it until it is more than a nudging.... until I am told. And once told, I often energetically (and occasionally enthusiastically) set off to do whatever it is, because I have fully accepted it is what I need to do.

Last year when I started Thin Within, I was ready for the change. I not only accepted what God was asking and moved forward, I SURRENDERED to the Lord. I think this is why I had a fairly easy time changing my eating habits. Because my heart was fully surrendered to God, He removed all the physical obstacles, like cravings. My weight just started coming off left and right, at least until Paul came home from his deployment.

But lately it's been so much harder. I felt God's nudging about the pop before I came out here. It was my goal to switch to water and try to live healthier, but I just couldn't seem to do it. Actually, I slipped backwards with my eating addiction, so it became even more of a crutch than it was before. So of course I didn't want to give it up.

So I ignored the nudging and continued in my own destructive ways... until now. Now God has told me to give it up. So in true Kimmy fashion, I have accepted this is what I must do and have moved forward in implementing the change. No Mountain Dew or Orange Fanta for me (my two favs... but I haven't had any other pop either). I figured while I was at it I would chuck the caffeine as well. I used the last of my caffeinated coffee to make pumpkin ice coffee to take to a mom's get together.

Tricia asked me yesterday if I would have my ice coffee in the morning instead of my Dew, and I said no... I like to drink my one glass in the afternoon/evening, and my goal is not to switch one addiction for another. It would not help me at all to stop drinking pop with my meals but have iced coffee instead three times a day. So it has been water for me.

But have I really surrendered? I don't think so. I am somewhere in the middle of acceptance and surrender. I have taken one step of obedience in doing what God has asked me, but I know what He really wants is my surrender, not just my compliance. He wants me to obey with my heart, and not just with my actions.

I'm sure I will get there.

Lord God, thank you for your patience with me. Help me to move past compliance and into complete surrender. I know with my head that everything will work out so much better when I am surrendered to you, Lord. Help me remember this in my heart as well. I love You. Amen.