The Food Addict in Reverse?

20 months ago I embarked on a journey called Thin Within. A support group was started in my church, and we met for about 8 months. I was the "success story" of that group, losing 40 pounds in that period of time. But more importantly, I was well on my way to the real journey of healing.... a journey leading to Jesus himself.

Unfortunately, the group withered and eventually ended, but I continued on my journey. I have battled losing and gaining the same 8 pounds ever since the group ended... but I continued working through, as best I could, my issues that were causing me to turn to food.

Once arriving here in New Mexico, I had no support system, and definitely no Thin Within support group. I began to fall away a bit as I struggled adjusting to a new place. But now I am back on track, and so grateful that my former group leader is now my "desert buddy". We are out in this wilderness together, supporting each other and talking weekly as we work through our issues (many are the same for both of us).

This past week has been very challenging for me as God is really bringing up some deep roots. I am discovering strongholds in my life and the roots to those strongholds. I am trying to walk through releasing this deep, deep inner junk to my Lord and break free.

As a result, I am experiencing much opposition and warfare. I have sliced up my thumb, experienced a good depression spell sending my hubby into a bit of a tizzy, had problems with our van starting that come and go at seemly random and inconvenient times, the toilet flooded the bathroom one instant but then was just fine the next, oh and we can't forget the mice! I also have been fighting migraines... and this is just been the last week and a half!

I am also getting ready to go on a women's retreat at our church.... a retreat that I expect will really bring about something awesome in my life. So unfortunately, I am expecting the warfare to continue. I just remind myself whenever it seems that I am under attack, that means I am on the right track and making incredible progress for God.

Usually, as a recovering food addict, anything emotional or stressful sends me running for food. I admit that when Paul was on his retreat last month, I had a lot of trouble with food and television. I am used to him being gone, he is in the Navy afterall. But he has been here every day for over 5 months, and I have become quite used to it. But having him leave sent me back in that old pattern of numbing myself through the time to try to make it go faster. (Doesn't work, by the way!)

But a funny thing has happened to me this week. Amist all the stress and mental and emotional turmoil, I have not wanted to turn to food. In fact, the exact opposite has plagued me. I have not wanted to eat. By the time Paul arrived home around lunchtime on Saturday, I was not only depressed but also becoming physically ill because I had not eaten anything. Between the emotions and the bottoming sugar levels, I was not really even able to talk to him (thus sending him into a tizzy... he doesn't like it when I can't/won't talk to him and am not acting like myself cause he doesn't know how to help me).

With my migraines and revelations these past couple of days, I have had to focus on making myself eat so that I do not make myself ill. I normally don't have too much trouble with my blood sugar, but not eating or drinking anything for longer periods of time will mess anyone up.

But who would of guessed? A food addict who doesn't want to eat? Hmmmm...

Lord Jesus, thank you for being right here beside me for every step of this journey. Thank you for your comfort and understanding, as you know exactly what it means to suffer. Thank you that food has not had a huge pull on me this week, but I ask that you protect me from the pendulum swinging the opposite way.... for not eating is just as unhealthy and dysfunctional as eating too much. Help keep me balanced as I continue to move forward in you. I love you. Amen.