A Step of Faith

Have you ever noticed that when God calls us forward to do something new and scary, and we seek His will for the situation.... that often we have no problem saying yes, but only after we are committed do we wonder what in the heck have we gotten ourselves into?

I was asked about a week and a half ago to come out to Virginia to help with worship for a women's retreat. And by help, I mean lead. Two sets. Just me and a guitar. (Someone else will do the other two sets.)

Of course I am really excited about going to Virginia to see my friends that I have not seen in 8 months. But there are challenges and worries associated with this trip as well. Of course, for starters there is the actual worship part. Though I have felt somewhat recently that leading worship may be a future calling, it is still scary to step out in faith and do it. I have lead our Lifegroup here in NM twice, but singing for about 6-8 other people is a little less intimidating than 15-20.

I have gathered six songs that I am quite comfortable with, and I have been practicing. And I am excited that some of them might be new for the ladies. At least one will, cause I wrote that one myself. But I guess my point is that the actual worship seems to be the least of my worries right now, though I am sure my nervousness will increase as the next week goes by.

Instead I am worrying about my kids. My oldest (who will be 15 next week) will be the one in charge of her 10 and 7 year old siblings while their dad is at work. And now he might have to work over the weekend, too. So possibly all six days I will be gone she will have a lot of responsibility. And since we homeschool, they will be home the entire time.

So here is what goes through my mind.... maybe I'm being selfish in going! Maybe it's too much for Nikki! (Maybe so, but in reality I know she can handle it.) What if they fight the whole time and chaos completely breaks out with no parents at home? What if a neighbor calls base police because of children home alone? (I know this is leftover insecurity from my child services incident years ago in my pre-believer life.) What if one of them gets hurt? These are all the things that the enemy is throwing at me to try to steal away any peace I have about leaving my children for this 6 day trip.

And then on a very personal note, going to Virginia will mean facing a situation I walked away from eight months ago.... one that is uncomfortable and somewhat terrifying. In the past, I have shut down in uncomfortable and confrontational situations. Often I will just walk away and avoid it, preferring to live in denial or just withdrawing from it all together. And I have to admit this is a part of myself I do not much like.

Now there will be no running away, withdrawal, or denial. I have to face my fear head-on. I know this is a step God is calling me to do, along with putting myself out there with the worship. And because I know this is something God is calling me to do (Step up instead of run away), I agreed quite quickly. And now the reality is slowly seeping in, and again I am left to wonder what have I gotten myself into?

But here is the truth... God is only going to ask me to do what is good for me. He has my best interest in mind. He will be with me every step of the way, and all I have to do is rest in Him. Scary, huh?

Father God, You have asked me to step outside of my comfort zone in so many ways on this trip.... and I know I really have no other choice but to trust You. I thank you for being here with me as I face my fears, and I humbly ask you to give me your courage and boldness on this trip. Let everything I say and do be for Your glory! I love you. Amen.