Steps Taken, Faith Abounds

God is so GOOD!

Can I say that again?

God is SO GOOD!

When I first got the call inviting me back to Virginia, I have to admit that along with being excited to get to see my friends, I was also very nervous and even a bit scared because I knew going would mean facing some things that I wasn't sure I wanted to face. But I also knew that the bottom line was, if I was really growing and maturing in the Lord like I thought I was, then this was my step of faith... my opportunity to show myself that actions speak louder than words.

I can say that I have grown and conquered my fear of rejection, but if I do not face those situations where I know rejection is possible, then what good are my words? I can say with confidence that God is calling me into ministry, but if I ignore His calling and let fear keep me back, then how will I ever build my confidence to do what God is calling me to do?

God has been telling me for a little while now that I have been playing the "healing card" for too long... that He wants me to step into more of a ministry role. And I have been afraid of that. I have been afraid to fail, afraid to be rejected (by both people and God), and I have allowed these fears to hold me back.

But over these last couple of months, God has been working on pulling up this root of rejection that was so deep inside of me that is was affecting how I related to people, challenges, obstacles, and even to God Himself. It was fueling my people pleasing and former codependent behaviors and depression, as well as my pride, judgment, anger and bitterness. It was challenging my confidence and questioning my abilities. But with God's help, I can say, "No more!"

Mo more am I going to let fear of a situation stop me, for I know my God is with me. Mo more am I going to let a human's approval (or lack of approval) stop me, for I know my God approves of me-and His approval is all I need. No more will I stand in my own way, letting doubts and insecurities and "worst case scenarios" stop me from moving forward, for my God fills me with his peace and love.

Two weekends ago, my daughter went off to an Encounter (retreat) and came home a new girl. God has become real in her life in a way He wasn't before, and He changed her. And now I feel like I, too, have come home a new girl.

I have learned to let go of the past. I have learned to face my fears head on. I have learned to work through uncomfortable situations and find reconciliation where in the past I would have just run away forever. I have learned that I can move forward and do what God is asking me to do, even when I am not at my own desired 100%. I have learned that I can not only hear what God is speaking to me, but that He does fully equip me to do what He is calling me to do.

In prayer before I made the decision to take this trip, the word I heard was "confidence". This was going to be an opportunity to fully step into the confidence God wants for my life. And on this journey I did amazing things.

I remained calm instead of allowing my own anxieties overwhelm me. I reconciled with the two women I was most afraid to speak to (and most afraid to be rejected by). I lead two sessions of worship (just me and my guitar) for a room full of woman I hadn't seen in months using some songs I knew they may not know, and singing with a voice that still crackled from my cold. (This in itself still amazes me because I used to be such a perfectionist that if I thought I could not do it 100%, I often gave up and wouldn't do it at all!) I prayed with my dear friend, letting the Holy Spirit come in and guide me, helping her find peace and direction for her situation. (That, by the way, was so awesome! Knowing that God is working through you to help your sister in Christ! It was ALL God, but I feel privileged to be His vessel!) And when I had no voice left to sing at church Sunday morning, I prayed instead, hearing God's Word that He wanted me to share... then I stood up and croaked it into the microphone for all to hear. What a weekend!

Again I say.... GOD IS SO GOOD!

Lord God, Your kindness is so great and Your love and mercy so overwhelming. Thank you so much for this opportunity to go back to Virginia. This trip brought closure where I needed closure, and confidence where I needed confidence, just as you had promised before I left. I thank you for this opportunity to grow in You! Please bless all my brothers and sisters in Virginia, who I miss..... but I know they are always near in Spirit. I love you. Amen.