Mountain Top Experience

Many in the Christian circles will use the expression "mountain top experience" to describe a time in their walk with God that is a great high. A time where everything is going right and you are filled with God's glory, blessing and promises. You know exactly where you are and who you belong to. The cares of the world cannot even touch you because you are so engulfed in the Kingdom of God.

This, of course, is not where I am currently at. My current mountain experience is more literal.... well maybe a bit figurative as well.

I am surrounded by beautiful mountains... on three sides of us are these huge mountains. They are breathtaking to look at. Amazing to see these creations of our almighty God. But when you actually think about what all would be involved in reaching the tops of them? It is quite overwhelming.

Right now I feel as though these physical mountains that are surrounding me also represent the obstacles and trials I am experiencing here in this place. I am being surrounded, at least on three sides..... but maybe that side that is still open is the path to God? It feels like I am completely surrounded by struggles, pain, isolation, doubt, anger.... all these things I want to run away from. But somehow in the midst of this, I am still ignoring that open path. The one that leads to Jesus.

I have mountains to climb, huge mountains to conquer on this journey to healing. But I am afraid of these mountains, so I just sit here and watch them. I look up and see how high they are, how rugged they are. And I don't want to go there. I keep forgetting that I do not have to go there alone. All I can see is that if I start trekking up this peak on my own, I am going to fail.

And I am completely right.

I cannot do this on my own. I need a tour guide. I need a man of experience who knows all the answers... a savior to lead the way up this huge mountain.

So why do I insist on being stubborn? Why do I ignore the signs of help? Why do I stay on the paths that lead to distruction? I know I am on them. I have been fighting them for weeks now, but in my own strength. And that is why I am failing to make any progress at all.

Lord God, I know I cannot do this myself yet I am so stubborn. I know that when we get to the point where we realize we cannot do it, that it is just too much... that is exactly where you want us. Because it is in these moments that we can truly see how much we need you, that you are the answer. I do not think I am there yet... at least not in my heart, because I am still running. I hear you speaking your truths to me, but they are not sinking in. Lord, I am afraid to climb this mountain and deal with this pain and anger, and so I keep running. But running away from this is also running from you, and I do not want this either. Please help me surrender all of this to you. Help me open up my heart and fully trust that you can and will lead me up this mountain. Help me stop running. I love you. Amen.