When we got married the first time fourteen years ago, things were much different in our lives. First of all, we were SOOO young. I could not even legally drink champagne at my wedding (not that I wanted to). And I did not know the Lord.
We got married in Paul's church, Epworth United Methodist, with his pastor giving a hilarious sermon on how advice about marriage doesn't always apply when the groom is already "married to Uncle Sam". Although I loved our little church wedding, there was definitely an element missing. I did not understand or believe in the covenant of marriage.
Paul knew he was marrying me forever. He grew up believing in the Christian values of marriage, and he had great role models in his parents, who will celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary next year.
However, I was a child of divorce. And although I had no intentions of ever wanting to leave this man, I once told him that I could not say with 100% certainty that we would never divorce. Of course he did not like that conversation much, but at that time I figured I was a realist, and it just goes to show how different backgrounds can color each person's views.
We have gone through our share of hard times, and we made the conscious decision very early in our marriage that we were going to use the adversity to make us stronger rather than tearing us apart like we had seen in so many other Navy marriages. Because he was not always around (I figure we have spent at least a third of our fourteen years geographically separated from one another), we learned that time together is precious and we should not take each other for granted. And we grew stronger as a couple.
About 9 years into our marriage, I went through an Alpha course at the Peninsula Vineyard in Virginia... and that experience changed me forever. I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior, and ultimately that drew my wonderful husband into a real relationship with the Lord. Over these past five years we have continued to grow closer, and we have been able to see how the Lord protected us during all those years we were living without Him.
When our current church began the "Love Dare", I knew that we were already on the right track with so many things in our marriage. And many of the dares we literally could not do because we have already been doing them for years. But I wanted to participate in this experience because at the end there was going to be the opportunity to renew our vows and our covenant.
I have wanted to do this for sometime now. I wanted to say my vows again to the man I love, the one I have commited my life to.... and this time I wanted to say them from my heart before God. I wanted to pledge my commitment, not as a marriage contract.... that can be nullified at any time the "arrangement" no longer suits it's purposes. But as a marriage covenant, a verbal commitment based on trust, assuring my love that my promise to him is unconditional and meant for life, spoken before God out of my love for him.
I made a cake for the event, which turned out beautifully. And the church put on this georgeous Italian dinner, transforming the Youth Chapel into a beautiful "Italian Bistro". We all dressed up, and my Prince looked so handsome in his Navy uniform (just like he did that December day long ago). I curled up my hair and wore my sparkley black dress. It was so much fun!
After dinner, they brought each couple up individually to ask them questions about what defines them as a couple, or how did the "Love Dare" change them. And then they gave each couple the opportunity to publically affirm their mate, sharing their heart. My husband said such sweet words to me as tears ran down his face, and I returned the favor. I figure that was fitting as well (He cried at our wedding, too). Then the pastor prayed over us and our marriage. We got to sign a Marriage Covenant document (which I plan to frame along with pictures from the evening) expressing our commitment to each other. And we got to enjoy hearing the stories of the other 20 or so couples in attendance. It was a wonderful night.
And half way through the evening I had a wonderful idea. I knew that my husband had only one regret about our first wedding.... I did not let him smear frosting on my face when we fed each other cake. He wanted to be a gentleman about it.... not wanting to smash huge amounts of cake in my face, only to smear a little. But when we cut the cake, the small piece broke into two. One side had frosting, and the other did not. So I had quickly grabbed up the piece with frosting (I do not like to eat frosting, but he does). And I left him only with a small piece with no frosting. So no icing could be smeared on my face.
But last night, I sliced two pieces for us... one with losts of frosting, the other with very little frosting. I handed my camera to a friend to capture the moment, and then told Paul I had a gift for him. I handed him the cake with all the frosting. We each broke off a piece to feed the other, and I ate some frosting. He was so sweet and didn't smear it at all.... so I told him to smear it. So he did. Then we traded the plates of cake and he finished the one with all the frosting and I got to eat mine without.
I figured this was a win-win situation! He got to relive what I didn't let him do fourteen years ago, and now I don't have to hear about it everytime we go to a wedding (or someone talks about their wedding and cake smearing). And I have to admit, it was funny.
And then after cake, the pastor had each couple face each other, and we said our vows to each other again, renewing our commitment to each other. It was such a wonderful moment.
Lord God, I thank you for this wonderful man you have given to me as my wedded husband for life. May you always help me be the best wife I can be for him. Bless our love and life together as we live to serve you. I love you. Amen.
1 comment:
congrats...
-b
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