Biding Time

Have you ever had to just wait for something... and you feel like you are just biding your time? That is where I am at. I feel like I am just waiting around, waiting to leave. I am just "getting by", day in and day out, until the day comes that I must pack up and leave. I don't quite know what to do with my time. And to be honest, I have not been very motivated to do anything worthwhile with it.

What an odd expression. Biding time. Biding.... from the word bide. I looked it up to see exactly what it means. Afterall, it is not a commonly used word these days aside from this one expression, "bide one's time".

The first definition I found was this: 1. Archaic. to endure; bear.
Ok, this seems to apply. I feel like I am enduring these last few weeks. Endure is not often a positive, happy word. It usually signifies some level of pain, frustration, trials and struggles. Enduring often isn't pleasant for some reason or another, but building endurance is a virtue cited in the Bible. (see James 1: 2-4)

Next, I read: 2. Obsolete. to encounter.
Ok, I'm not so sure about this one.

Third is: 3. to dwell; abide; wait; remain.
Now this is sounding familiar. These are all words used in God's word.... these are all things we are supposed to do with/in the Lord. So maybe while I am enduring my time, I need to remember that I need to be dwelling, waiting on, and abiding in the Lord.

And finally: 4. bide one's time, to wait for a favorable opportunity.
Isn't this what we are doing? Paul and I? We are waiting for the favorable opportunity that the Lord has put before us in this mission to New Mexico.

I don't know about you, but the expression biding your time never seemed a very positive one to me. I guess I have always associated it more with the first definition of enduring or bearing something hard. For me, waiting is hard. Uncertainty is hard. I am often impatient, and I want to know all the answers ASAP so I can plan, plan, plan. I am a research gal!

But God is not giving me answers here, HE is instead choosing to build my endurance. HE has placed me in a situation where I just have to wait. I have no choice. I have to wait to find out where we will live, what the address will be, whether my girls will get their own rooms or not, what the floor plan is like. (For those of you who don't know me well, I have endless graph paper grids of floorplans figuring out where I want to put all my furniture before I move in to a new place.... I get teased for this by those who love me most, but that's ok. I want to know where everything will go! But this time I can't.)

God has been asking me since the very beginning of this year to wait on Him. We waited on orders. We waited on getting a van. (Three very long months as a single vehicle family.) And now we are waiting for the details that I have always had before making a move like this.

So while I am waiting, and enduring, am I also abiding in Him? Am I dwelling in His presence, remaining in Him? I have to admit this was a much easier task at the beginning. The first six months of this year, I was doing a much better job than I am now. Maybe God wants to show me something in these last few weeks.

Maybe this is like the transition stage in labor. Any of you who have given birth to a baby will understand my analogy here. Transition is the point where it FEELS like it can't get any worse, and you just CAN"T do it anymore. You want to quit. You want it to be OVER.....NOW. But the work is not done yet. There is still a beautiful baby waiting to emerge. Once we get past transition, and the pushing stage begins, it is still hard work.... but the end- and the reward- are so near. You just have to stick with it a little longer!

Maybe I am in transition! Funny thought, really... considering we are literally transitioning from one job to another, one geographical location to another, one church body to another. But I have reached that point where I feel like I don't want to do this anymore. The waiting is just too hard. I don't want to endure anymore.

But I think that God wants to remind me of the next stage.... the reward that's coming. If I continue to endure (definition 1), and wait [dwell, abide, remain] on Him (definition 3), then the reward [favorable opportunity] will come (definition 4). God always wants to bless us, but He also knows that He has to grow us up... this often entails trials to build our endurance (#1). He knows that can only really happen when we rely fully on Him (#3). As as we take each step foward and answer His calling, He does shower us with His love, blessing us in ways we could ever imagine! He provides us with wonderful opportunities (#4) in life that we would never have on our own!

Maybe abiding my time is not such a negative thing afterall.

Someone once told me that all truth comes from God... even if it isn't in the Bible. If it is truth, then it is from God. Period. He speakes to us in all kinds of ways, teaching us valuable lessons through all different sources. Today, for me, He used http://dictionary.reference.com/ and the word bide.

Lord Jesus, you are amazing and wonderful! You call us to you because you love us... and you want us to dwell with you, wait on you, abide and remain in you. You know that only through you will we endure the trials that will grow us up into maturity. Lord, I ask you to help me remember to be with you in my enduring, and to keep my focus on you and the "favorable opportunities" that you have in store for me and my family. I love you! Amen.