Is finding a new church like shopping for that perfect pair of pants? You go into a new place hoping to find what you're looking for, trying something on to see how it fits? We always love it when we find that perfect fit on the first try, but that isn't always the case, is it? My daughter often has to look... and look to find a pair of pants that really fits her young adolescent body. She often leaves disappointed and still in search for just the right fit.
In 2002, God took my unbelieving self and placed me smack in the middle of a homeschool group filled with Christian women who knew what it was to be in relationship with the Lord. This was a side to "church and religion" I had never experienced before, and after awhile it brought me to the point of seeking, especially as my personal life was literally falling apart. By early 2003, my husband and I talked about attending a church, but we never got around to it. That April, my world collapsed and we prepared to move away.... and I prayed (as a seeking unbeliever) that God would send us where we should go. God chose Virginia.
I knew exactly where I wanted to go.... where I needed to go to learn more about God and Jesus. I knew there was a church body for me who were wonderful to my best friend years before. A church body who accepted and loved my pregnant single friend and took her in without judgment. This was where I wanted to go.
When we arrived, some of the people remembered me immediately, even though I had only met them a couple of times, and that spoke volumes to me. They helped me out in my need (my husband had remained in Illinois for a few months). When Paul was there to visit once or twice, we went for a Sunday service, but being on my own and still battling my depression, I was not able to make myself go to Sunday services.
Once Paul was in Virginia, he was only home for weekends, but with his help and encouragement, we began to attend services each Sunday. During his holiday break, he dragged me to a kinship I didn't want to go to. I had social anxieties and didn't really like being in groups of people I didn't know. I also had unpleasant memories of visiting Sunday School with friends growing up, and I hated being asked questions about things I didn't know.... and I knew practically nothing about the Bible. I was out of my element, and not happy about it.
But God captured my heart that night. He spoke through one of his daughters and showed me love I had never seen before. I knew at that point that whatever this was, I wanted it. And God is so wonderful! His timing is so perfect! He placed me in that church body just as they were going to begin an ALPHA course...... Christianity 101.
Pretty much from the beginning of this experience, I knew this was that perfect fit for me. Everything clicked, and I loved this church immensely. I didn't need to shop around and look and look. Years ago I would have said I got lucky, but I know that I was blessed to have come the the right fit so quickly.
I have a friend, however, that I have watched over the years struggle to find that right fit for her. It seemed like she would try on her pair of pants, and the fit was ok.... she liked many of the aspects and characteristics of those pants. Anything that wasn't a perfect fit she could just live with because for the most part she really liked those pants. But after awhile, those little things can become a problem, and you realize they just don't fit as well as you really want or need them to. So then you're off looking for new pants again. I watched her try place after place, never really finding what she was looking for. Sometimes she would go back to those old "pants", because they were comfortable. But then again, after awhile, she remembered this is not her perfect fit.
My dear friend has really been on my mind and heart this past day. She thinks she may have found her fit, and for that I am so excited for her. But now I am in a place where I am starting to understand her struggles in a way I couldn't before. I always wanted to encourage and support her in her search, knowing that we cannot always like or need the same things. I never took it personally when she would leave my beloved church in search for something better suited for her. I always wanted her be happy.... it was more important to me that she find a church home, not that my church home was her home too. But I can't say that I really understood how she felt or what she was going through. I didn't understand the disappointment and discouragement that can come when you are searching.
I didn't struggle like that when the Lord brought me into his kingdom. There was no shopping for trying on for fit. But now we are in a new place, with less options... or at least it seems. Of course we have lots of options... three cities all about 45-60 minutes away. No matter where we choose, it will be less convenient than where we have come from in Virginia. So really I have no choice but to start trying things on.
We went to our first service yesterday. I had liked what I read on their website, and I really hoped that maybe this could be our perfect fit. But it was not. The culture was strange. The music was so loud that I couldn't even hear myself sing, let alone any of the harmonies my husband and I so love..... and at least two of the five of us walked away with headaches. There was no youth program that is so desperately needed for my introverted teen. The people were nice, and I could see as I looked around that this was the perfect fit for many of them..... just not for me. My ten year old has already developed the habit of seeking and listening to the Lord. She informed me after that she asked God if this was the right church for us, and He told her no. I, myself, took my lack of peace as a sign this was not the place for us (not to mention the headaches!)
Even though this was only our first Sunday, I couldn't help but feel discouraged. Sundays only come around once a week after all, and we are so hungry to have a church family.... a place to belong. And thinking about how many more times we will need to go through this before finding the right place became an overwhelming thought. And I wondered if this is how my dear friend was feeling.
I also thought about my church home in Virginia, who are facing their own struggles. They are looking at ways to be more attractive to visitors, ways of bringing people in, but also ways to do that without compromising who they are. As I sat in the service yesterday, I realized that sometimes there is absolutely nothing you can do.... the fit just isn't right. I don't think there is anything that church could have done yesterday, aside from changing who they are, to make me want to come back again. And I know I don't want to be somewhere that people are trying to be what they think other people want them to be. I want to be in a church body where everyone is free to be themselves and that is where the fit is perfect. So I want to encourage everyone at PVCF who are reading this, please don't take it personally if visitors come.... and go. You are all wonderful people even though not everyone will find you as perfect of a fit as my family did.
Lord God, I thank you and praise you for the struggles in life. Although I am not happy to go through them, I know that in my weakness You are strong. Lord, please help me not to get discouraged if this process takes longer than I want it to. Help me use this time to turn to you. And Lord, please bless my wonderful church family back in Virginia. Bring to them those families that will love them and see they are the perfect fit for them. Thank you for your faithfulness. I love you! Amen.
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