Still Looking....

A couple of weeks ago, Paul and I took the kids down to El Paso to try out a Vineyard there. After our experience at the other church that was so far out of our comfort zone that we knew it was not a good fit for us, we hoped we would have better luck here. As a Vineyard church, it was definately more comfortable. Although we didn't know the songs, it was in the same style of music we were used to. The atmosphere was more what we were accustomed to, and the teaching was good. And the younger two kids really like the Children's Church program that they offer.

But as I was standing there Sunday during worship, I started thinking about if it was really the right fit. Sometimes we have those pants that are oh so comfortable, but just because something is comfortable doesn't mean it is the right fit.

When I was talking to my friend a couple of months ago about a church she visited, she told me that she loved it immediately because so many people came up to them to welcome them. They wanted to talk to her and get to know her and her family. They were so happy to see them visit, and this made my dear friend feel very good.

Of course, with my people issues that I have been working through this past year.... I immediately said, "I like it when people don't talk to me." That was the part I always dreaded most and made me feel so uncomfortable. I was one of those unusual people who preferred to be left alone.

But as I was standing there this second Sunday in a row, I began to realize that maybe the Lord has brought me even farther than I had thought. Because as I was standing there and realizing that NO ONE was coming up to us and welcoming us.... not a hello, we are happy to see you.... No one asking us if we were new (aside from the first visit when the greeter showed us where to take the kids) or where are we from or how'd you hear about us..... that we could walk right out feeling like no one would notice our presence, or absence for that matter..... I realized that I did care about being noticed, being welcomed, seeing that people did care whether or not we were there. The fact of the matter was that the only conversations we had were ones where we approached the pastor and youth leader and initiated them. And that was the first Sunday. No one talked to us at all the second Sunday.

I began to think about why we were there. Being in somewhat of a state of seclusion these past several weeks, I am hungry for fellowship. I am hungry to a point where I am willing to let it push me out of my comfort zone. (I am even seeing this same thing in my shy introverted daughter who is afraid to meet people..... but she doesn't want to be stir crazy anymore and has a need for friends that is pushing harder than her need to be comfortable.)

If all I was interested in was good worship music and teaching, I could download that and watch it at home. These are important aspects to our Sunday worship time with God, and I know I get more out of something live than taped. But the bottom line is that what drives us out of the house each Sunday morning is needing intimacy with God's people as well as with God. You can't get that sitting at home and watching a service online.

At this point, I am not sure about how this church fits. Is it too early to tell? Do we need to give it more time? Or do we need to continue our search? I don't know if this is like a pair of pants that fit and I just am not sure if I like them yet? Or do I like the pants ok because they are comfortable but they don't fit right? These are questions I have been asking myself this week.

Then on Monday night, Paul and I attended a Christian home school group meeting. As we were getting to know some of the ladies afterward, the subject of churches came up. One gal was talking about one of the services here on base that is led by a couple she calls "completely blessed". She told us that listening to the sermon was like watching the Holy Spirit. She said she doesn't think He remembers half of what he says because so much of the sermon is the Holy Spirit moving through him. That sounds neat to me.

Now we had avoided going to a service on a base chapel because we know how limiting a service run by a chaplain can be. You know, the whole separation of church and state. (I have read articles where chaplains have gotten in trouble for speaking the name of Jesus.) We did not expect to find a spirit filled service. Paul didn't want to waste his Sunday on a watered down bland service. But this pastor isn't military. He's not a Chaplain, so he isn't regulated by the government. I wouldn't mind giving it a try sometime... even though the music is gospel and we normally are not fans of gospel music. But I'm not ready to rule it out yet.

Then we also got into a conversation with another gal who just loves her church. They visited for the first time ten years ago, and she fell in love with it immediately. What drew her to this church is finding a church body where the people loved the Lord and they want to walk with Him every day, not just Sundays. She said they were the most honest people she had ever met, and she has found no hypocracy. If people need help, prayer, whatever... they ask rather than try to pretend everything is ok. There was even a major split in the church years ago between the pastor and the congregation, and at the end, the leaders stood up and said, "We screwed up. We need to figure out where we went wrong and fix it so it doesn't happen again." Then they spent the next year studying God's design of church leadership.... using their Bibles. One of their statements online was about leading a church according to God's word, not politics and church doctrine.

I could completely understand where she was coming from. It is so refreshing to be part of a body that cares more about their relationship with God and serving Him then all the nonsense that can rule and destroy a church. She told me that after all this time, she still does not know what lead to the split because there is no gossip and talking behind people's backs in this crowd.

It is a baptist church, and I haven't always had the best experiences or heard the best things about baptists churches, but preconceived notions can often be wrong. I don't think under normal circumstances I would choose to go to a Baptist church. (Turns out the church leader on post is Baptist as well.) But under normal circumstances I wouldn't have wanted to come to New Mexico either. But I don't want to stay at a Vineyard church just because it is comfortable. I do not believe that God brought us 2000 miles to be comfortable.

I want to keep an open mind. I want to see that God has some higher plan, and I think He is calling us to think outside the box. But as we try out these new places that have been recommended to us (a great part due to the people there)... I will remember a word that was given to us in prayer before we came.

A friend praying for us told us to remember to not make it about the people. When we go into a new church, don't just look at the people to decide if it is the right place. Instead, we need to seek God and look for His Spirit moving through that church. But of course, one of the ways His spirit moves is through His people. But I think the point is that I don't just want to be at a church where there are nice and sweet people doing good things. I want to be in a church body where God's spirit is living and moving through them, bringing about God's fruit.

My husband and children have seemed content at this new Vineyard, so I felt a little uncertain bringing up my concerns with him, not knowing exactly where he stood in all of this. But I also knew that the Holy Spirit was promting me to keep looking. So as I began this discussion with Paul, I asked him, "Does it bother you any that no one has come up to talk to us at church?"

And then he said... "Now that you mention it..." , and we both realized that we were indeed somewhat on the same page. God is awesome. I love how almost every time I'm nervous about bringing something up to my husband, something I think the Lord is telling me but also something that he seems content with... in reality, the Lord is already speaking to his spirit about it, even though sometimes he doesn't realize it until after I bring it up.

So he agreed that he liked this Vineyard because it was comfortable, and not necessarily because it was the right fit. And although he likes being comfortable, he agrees that we should probably keep looking for a better fit. I love this wonderful man the Lord has given me! He is so supportive, and mostly unselfish. His heart is chasing after God, and we are on a wonderful adventure together!

Lord Jesus, thank you for all of the wisdom and opportunities you are opening up for us. Please help us hear your voice and follow your will for us in our search for the right fit. Place us in the church body that you want us to serve and grow in. Thank you for the new relationship opportunities you are bringing into our lives, and keep moving us away from comfortable and always toward you. I love you. Amen.