"For though I am far away from you, my heart is with you."

These are the words of Paul I read this morning in Colossians 2. They pulled and tugged at my heart because these are words I have to live by in this military life. These are words that I need to keep near and dear to my heart as a reminder when I feel lonely or miss my friends.

I am no stranger to separations. I have long distance relationships with friends of 12-21 years. We keep in touch on the phone. We visit as often as possible (sometimes a couple times a year, but sometimes a couple years between visits). The first 21 months of my marriage (and the 9 months before that) were spent mostly separated from my husband.... with three more deployments following in the next 10 years. Plus, when I moved to Illinois and back, I spent 4-8 months each time mostly separated from Paul by moving early for school reasons.

I have learned through experience that it is possible to be far away yet still with loved ones at heart. Everytime we are reunited (for visits or long term), the connection picks right back up again as if we were never separated in the first place. These are relationships to treasure.

So knowing this, there is a large part of me that is not worried about this move. I know it isn't the end.... the goodbyes are not forever. I may only see these blessed friends once in the next three years, but that time will be wonderful and joyous.

But I am still sad. I guess it was somewhat easier in the past because the number of people I was leaving behind was considerably less. I had not opened myself up to very many people, so most of the people I left behind were aquaintences..... they are easier to leave.

But it is so very different here. Here there are so many people who I know love me. I have opened my heart and have bared my soul, and they have loved me for me. They have given me a safe place to grow and figure out who I am. They have supported me when I needed them, offered shoulders to cry on, and shared many hours of laughter and encouragement. I'd like to think that I have given as much as I have received. I have been a part of this huge family.... this support system I have never known before, and I have loved it.

And now it feels like I have to give it all up. Phone calls and email just won't be the same. I can't just go hang out when I need cheering up... or spend too much time after church catching up from the week (and aggravating the waiting husbands). I can't give and receive all those hugs (and Leanne kisses) when I'm 2000 miles away. And leaving really hurts.

I know that for the last four years God has been trying to bring me to a place of relying wholely on Him.... putting Him first, and turning to Him for my needs and comfort. This has been a challenging transition as I had always relied on myself for years... then I learned how to rely on people, my friends. But I do know there have been times I have turned to people when God wanted me to turn to him. Maybe that is a little bit why I am struggling so much. I keep thinking about how my friends won't be able to be there when I need them like they were before. But I guess there is at least something good about that. God wants to use that to continue moving me closer to HIM.

Jesus, my heart cries out to you right now because I am hurting. Please fill me with your peace and joy even as I have to say goodbye to so many people I love so much. Help me remember that You, too, know the intense pain of leaving as You left those you loved when you returned to the right hand of our Father in Heaven. Comfort my heart, and the hearts of my family, as we leave Virginia to follow your calling on our lives. I love you. Amen.