Written Expression

Sometimes it just amazes me the ability I have to express my feelings on paper that somehow fails me quite often when using my mouth. They are all my words, but somehow they flow and articulate in writing whereas I just fumble them while trying to vocally express myself.

Yesterday, our pastor asked my husband a question about something going on in my life that my husband realized he didn't know the answer to.... he hadn't thought to ask me reasonings behind a decision I had made. So later in that evening when he asked me about it, I tried my best to explain it to him. I asked him if he understood where I was coming from, and he just looked at me with a thoughtfully uncertain expression on his face and said, "yes and no". At the end of the conversation, we agreed the best thing for me to do was to write to our pastor and explain what was going on (to catch him up, really).

Paul called me today from work and let me know he read my letter. "That's quite some letter, dear!" he said to me. This is the kind of response I often get from him after one of my letters, so I asked him if I was impressing him or something. He told me it was amazing how well I could express myself when I wrote it down. So I asked him if he understood now where I was coming from, and he said that he thought he did. I had basically tried to write in my letter the same thing I was trying to explain to him the night before, but he didn't quite get what I was trying to say until he read my written words.

I suppose having this writing ability has really come in handy over the years as a Navy wife. My husband leaves for half a year at a time, and over 95% of our communication is written. I noticed in particular that this past deployment was much easier for me despite all the really difficult issues I was facing. I was able to let him know what was going on in my life, what I was feeling and dealing with..... and we stayed connected in a more intimate way than previous deployments. The beauty of email! (Previous deployments had no email or very limited email, it it was harder to stay connected.)

I am also realizing how God can use this gifting in me to reach other people. As a very young Christian, the thought of "going out and making diciples" and "spreading the gospel" were terrifying thoughts. I have trouble finding the right words with people. I don't know what to say. I feel awkward and uncertain. But put me in a quiet room with a computer, and those thoughts can just pour out. And the neat thing is, that once they are on paper in front of me.... once I have worked out all my thoughts in private, I often can have great conversations with people and the words flow from my mouth much easier.

Father God, thank you that you bless each of your children with special giftings and talents to do your kingdom work. Thank you for encouraging me to find an outlet through the gifting of writing that you have given to me. I praise you that you have shown me a way to express myself in healthy and productive ways. I ask that you use my words to bless others as you have blessed me in writing them. I love you, Lord. Amen.